Decisions, Decisions, Decisions!

My theme for 2015 is Commitment. Commitment to myself, to my values, to planting roots after years of nomadic life and to experiencing life from a place of presence and deep connection. Last month I had the privilege to spend a few weeks in the West of Ireland. This part of the world is spectacular in its beauty and its essence. People who visit wonder at its rustic and untouched landscapes, its crazy climate (it can be sunny one minute and raining like a hurricane the next) and its total Irish-ness. I adore this part of Ireland. Having travelled a lot in my life I can safely say this tiny part of the world is, without a doubt, my favourite place.

One of my long-term goals has been to move to a place by the ocean where there is yoga, surf and a buzzing community and this part of Ireland has it all. So when I was offered a job working with great people in a beautiful space I jumped at the chance. It was what I had been putting out to the universe and now it was on offer… how amazing! I had visions of having my own place, my family and friends visiting regularly for surf, yoga or golf, my surf board finally coming out of my parent’s attic along with my boxes of the various things I have picked up from my years of travel. Finally, I thought, life was going to feel secure and settled and I was going to be living in a small town with a great local and international community vibe.

And as I sat contemplating it, it seemed like a no-brainer. On arriving back to life in Dublin I talked it out with a few friends, started to tell the people I work with of my decision and then I had a chat with my Dad. I love my Dad. He always supports me even if he doesn’t always agree with my choices and as I chatted excitedly to him about my move, he suddenly said; “Aoife, I don’t know if this is what you really want…”  

Now my Dad would love to see me settled in my own place, secure and stable with a regular income, so hearing this sent me into a spin. He followed it with; “Just think about it some more before you choose… you have worked hard to be in the situation you are currently and you love your freedom and the flexibility it allows. Is this offer going to give you that?” Suddenly everything shifted. 

Freedom has always been one of my core values and what I love about life at the moment is that I have the freedom to choose what I want, where I go, who I work with and how I can live my life fully and follow my passion.

I sat with his thoughts I realised he was echoing a part of me that was asking the same question. As much as I wanted to move to this place in Ireland I was compromising one of my values. I was compromising my freedom. What I also realised was that this offer was offering a sense of stability and this is what was appealing to me. It wasn't the role itself but what it could bring into my life. 

At any moment you have a choice that either leads you closer to your spirit or further away from it. 
Thich Nhat Hanh 

So I sat with it and I listened to my gut, that feeling of knowing in the pit of my stomach, and the reaction wasn't what I expected. It was telling me it wasn’t the right time or the right role for me. There is more to do where I am right now. So I said no. I said no to the dream for now because I could suddenly see the dream taking me off my path away from my purpose. It wasn’t an easy choice and to make it I had to look at my values.

It’s not hard to make decisions once you know what your values are.
Roy E. Disney

I allowed my values to help me make my choice. Freedom is there and it shows no sign of making an exit any time soon. Security and Commitment are also present and while I am still working on how to embrace them in my life I am clearer in that I won’t compromise on one over another.

Life is a compromise of what your ego wants to do, what your experience tells you to do and what your nerves let you do.
Bruce Crampton
 
Staying and continuing to grow the roots of the life I have created in Dublin is infinitely harder than jumping ship just to fulfil yet another goal. It’s time for me to nurture the roots and see what flourishes.

Stop leaving and you will arrive.
Stop searching and you will see.
Stop running away
And you will be found.
Lao Tzu

What are you values? Do you need to stop and take a moment today to define or redefine them? What roots are taking hold in your life that you need to give some time and attention to?