There was a lot of resistance to staying; it was big, busy and loud and I didn’t like it very much. Coming from living by the beach in Australia it was a big change. However as time moved on I found myself falling in love with the city; its energy, its diversity, the new friends I found, the yoga scene, the music scene, the brunch culture, the lazy summer days in the parks and wandering along the Southbank embracing the art and theatre of London. So, when my feet began to feel itchy last January and I felt a change coming, I felt unnerved and undecided in where to go and unsure of what was next.
In 2014 I traveled, I taught yoga in foreign lands, I drove around southern Spain on my own and got lost a few times, I discovered the beauty of shamanism, I went to Texas and learned more about myself through the healing world of Forrest Yoga, I embraced by own beauty, I fell in love, I had my heart broken, I learned how to be vulnerable and ask for support and I learned how to speak my truth. To say it was a big year was an understatement. While I was grateful for 2014 I was also VERY excited for a fresh start and the new energy of 2015.
As with any new beginning I have been sitting in a place of discomfort with not knowing what the plan is. And believe me I like to know! Yes there are things in the diary but I have not been clear on physically where I need to be. Having thought Ireland would be a stopgap to the next adventure I found myself suddenly considering it being home again.
Initially it was a sobering thought, and yet as I have spent more time here, I recognize the magical beauty in this land I was raised in and in the people who choose to live here. Last weekend I visited London for the first time since leaving last September and I came away with a sense of gratitude and an amazing amount of clarity. I am clear that it was time for me to let go of London, to let go of the life I had there and to let in a new life calling me here in Ireland.
This got me thinking about the parts of our lives we can hold on to and grasp. Sometimes the familiarity of our work, our relationships, our home, who we hang out with, which yoga class we go to every week, is so comforting in its discomfort that we resist the new and the unknown.
We fear what would happen if we let go and allowed life to shift and evolve.
I learned a long time ago that change is the one constant in life. When there is change it can be uncomfortable, unfamiliar and unwanted. It can be painful and unexpected. In the same vein it can be welcomed and embraced. It can be a relief.
So, how do we move through change when there is resistance, when there are feelings of frustration and anxiety and concern of what this change means?
Melody Beattie in Journey to the Heart says;
“Do what you need to do to break through resistance. Often that means simply seeing your resistance for what it is. Remember that the point of greatest resistance is often the place of greatest learning.”
Over the last few months I have learned that for me it’s about releasing the grip, its letting go, it’s feeling the resistance and moving through it in whatever way is necessary. In releasing a relationship its cutting the ties, its moving on and beginning to date again, its opening to love and vulnerability with another person; in leaving London its connecting to what I loved in that city and being grateful for the journey I experienced there, as it was EPIC! In committing to setting up home in Ireland its letting go of the excuses as to why it won’t work and why it doesn’t make sense. It’s admitting that in this moment it feels right to be here and to be in the unknown about what it may bring.
In embracing the present journey there are new and wondrous paths waiting. It’s up to us to choose the path and the choice is never right or wrong; it simply is what it is and what we make it. And maybe it doesn’t always work out the way we wanted, but WOW what we learn in the process can be invaluable and lead us to a life that we never dreamed of; a life that wouldn’t exist if we had chosen to stay in the resistance and not take a chance. I don’t know what life in Ireland holds for me in the future. What I do trust is that there is always time to embrace presence, to embrace breath, to allow myself to be and to allow the unknown to unfold and of course to enjoy a cup of tea along the way :)
For me its time and I am ready!